I decided last week I was getting a job– a DAY job (dum dum dum…ominous music)…like a grown up. Something reliable, and scheduled with a boss that tell you:
“GOOD JOB!” and pats you on the back and smiles at you.
A boss that inspires you to work harder, and gives you mundane tasks that allow you to keep your mind off the bigger issues of the world.
I like bosses and it’s been a long long time since I’ve had one (aside from my kids) – but kids don’t tell you “Good Job!”. So i wanted a boss because bosses are nicer generally.
Sometimes a very nice boss will bring you out for lunch and feed you good food because you have done a “good job!”. In the “real world” when you do a “good job!”they give you money because you are doing something productive and purposeful! It’s wonderful! Unlike in music where I am paid the same wages musicians were paid in 1975.
After raising seven kids and two marriages for a combined total of 30 years – you may understand why i would be seeking this kind of outside reinforcement. Some “purposeful normalcy”, I call it.
So I look for a good job because I have a good education I decide I am not going to settle, but will look for a job that really turns me on.
hmm…(what can turn me on more than music an writing and art…?? anyways..live and learn…)
So I find a company with ahead office near me here who specialize in musical instruments for the educational field. WOW! I thought..perfect!
I fancy up my CV, send it in and even follow up with a very ‘sure of myself” sounding message that said something like:
“Hi, My name is blah blah, and I am sure I’m supposed to work for you guys! I am perfect please just throw away the other CV’s because you just won’t find anyone like me”.
I seriously couldn’t believe I said those things in the message, but I actually meant it. After years of being both a musician and a high school sub, even in the music department, I could see myself communicating with schools, making sure all the kids treated their instruments properly, dealing with client questions and stuff. I felt perfect.
Segue to today and I get a phone call from them in response to my CV. A very nice young lady on the other end of the line pre-screens me, and asks me to tell her about myself.
“How much do you want to know?”, I ask her honestly.
“As much as you want” she says laughing a little.
I tell her stuff like…
“I’m a Mom. Seven kids, was a teacher. I have a farm. rehabilitate horses. I have a band. I sing all over. I am doing an album – or two. I am writing a book – yes my kids are all grown. Spent last year in Australia…
As I am talking I think –
“Wow – I have a great fuckin’ life. This kid is going to be jealous and not even let me interview!” Then I hope i inspire her somehow to follow her own passion. Not a normal interview.
She waits for me to finish, which by the end of I’m trying to downplay, but my life is so awesome and extraordinary, it isn’t working…
So she says:
“OK, let me tell you abit about the job”.
I hear these words…
“Inside, computer, data entry, client complaints, answer phones, precision…”
I was stuck at “inside”…
“Um…we both know this is the wrong job for me right?” i say cutting her off gently. no need to waste anyone’s time.
I can practically hear her smile.
“I’m the other person”, I tell her. “I’m the one that is calling into the office, that is OUT THERE, in the WORLD meeting people, starting projects, excavating new opportunities – I am THAT person”.
“Ayup”. she says.
A moment of silence, and all of a sudden she isn’t pre-screening me, all of a sudden we are kind of like friends.
“Oh my god”, I say surprising myself. “Maybe I can never fit into any normal place again!” expressing out loud my deepest fear – that after this many years of being an artsy kid raising horse farmer mom – i can never fit into “that world” again.
“Maybe you’re not meant to.” she replies to me.
“Can i give you some advice?” She says to me
“Sure,” I say.
“Don’t settle. You sound like you have allot to offer and some great energy. just don’t settle”.
There is a bigger picture in life – and it is FABULOUS – but we are not in charge.
What an amazing adventure. I hope you are enjoying the ride.
Now…back to writing my book.