Follow Your Song

sun_light_energyThis was a day

of tightly closed doors,

open wide windows,

and really lots more.

So, let’s block the hallway,

Make solid stairs,

This is a day of,

“I really don’t cares”.

Admit it.

We all like these days,

They make us feel better,

Moving forward somehow,

Like words in need of letters.

Call to the stars,

My brother and sisters,

Listen carefully to the wind,energy clearing  painting

For it speaks only in whispers.

Ground your feet deep

Into the earth,

and to a new vision,

you will give birth.

Be true to yourself,

And the spaces you keep,

find the fire inside,

and always dig deep.

Keep your heart open wide,ON SURRENDER

to hearing your part,

you can’t go wrong,

when you follow your heart,

You know can’t go wrong,

when you follow your heart.

You know…

Moving forward is the natural affair of hu-man

No matter what the time,

cause or space – can’t or can ,

We are all moving from one to another plan.

never does anything really stand still,

somehow we are all falling down some old forgotten hill.

Ride the wave, I have been toldOcean-waves-1

Have some fun,

Before you get old,

There ain’t nothing here,

that can really go untold.

Don’t hold the world,

On  your small shoulders

let go of the past

And put down that boulder.

Look to get inspired,

to you own hearts desire789

till you run out of tears

throw your self in the water.

Hail down by the sea,

Hail to the sea and the city down under

I’ve come to wash my heart

you can’t go wrong

when you follow your song

You know can’t go wrong,

when you follow your song

RAIN DAY

indexToday was a rain day-

A dream day

A “whisper worries away day”.

Blissfully soaked and quiet,

a shivering hush of whispering wind

taps on my window

like an old friend.

To her pen she says

“I remember the day you loved me”rainydayswallpapercollectionseriesone01

when the rain came in buckets and droves!

Where falling leaves and branches,

Made impassable roads.

Trees stacked themselves up against the onslaught,

of sudden and fierce the winds,

thought and consideration erased from within.

Likely clearing the trees,

making them ready for sleep,

images33For the winter is cold

and the freezing goes deep.

And once again,

Just like back then

The rain falls.

Birds nestled under wings

on days like these,

prefer not to sing.

Cradled in safe places,

High above the earth,

Lofty in their perch.

Let their songs

run wild through empty minds,

come to rest and fill empty spaces!

Beautiful-Birds-in-Rain-WallpaperSilly rain soaked birds,

High up in the trees,

Come into the sun

won’t you please?

Writers take to their pens

where they try to mend

Something that cannot be named

with a word or thought.

So we sit back and wait.

After all…

Today is a rain day.

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Food or Love? Defintely LOVE.

molly home againWhat is most important to your animal companions?  Food or Love? IMG_20151027_105030901

This morning when the trailer pulled up 40 minutes early I was curious – because the horses didn’t react, which is strange since they were all obsessed with Molly just three months ago – but something didn’t feel right. sure enough, i look in the trailer and the man had brought me a (very dirty) Summer, Molly’s baby, sweating and in a panic on the trailer without Molly.

“Wrong horse”, i said to him. “This is the baby”

“No it isn’t” he starts to argue with me.

“This is the mother,”  he says in french, giving me that “old farmer”  I know what I’m talking about young lady… look.

“I know my horses, this one is four years old. It concerns me that you haven’t spent enough time with them to know the difference between one that is 14 and one that is 4 – wouldn’t you say?”

His face got a little red.

“You can see the Mare is very well fed”, he said starting to become indignant.

“Yes well – food isn’t everything apparently is it?”  He hadn’t even used her name.

Where was the love?

I looked at Summer, disheveled, dirty, her mane long past her shoulders completely tangled, her belly protruding rudely from her sides like she had been to too many all-you-can-eats.

He wants me to sign a paper saying I was giving him Summer, and agreed to go back to pick up Molly. He won’t pay for either of them – “they are worthless” he says to me.

“YOU are worthless”, I say in a low voice looking at him evenly.

We don’t say anything else for a second. I think he knew better.

By now I am hysterical inside struggling with sending Summer back to a place that could reverse all the hard work we put into making her gentle. IMG_20151027_105033973

You can’t save them all Jo. My mind says. yeah yeah – I know ,…

I have re-homed 28 horses on my own. Yeah – I know.

“She will be fine with him – he’s going to start her training this Winter – she will be happy-  you’ll see,” I hear my husband john behind me. “Focus on Molly – give them time to grow apart”.

He was right – but this was really really difficult.

You know how new situations can trigger old memories…?IMG_20151027_105055194-EFFECTS

I realized my panic of having a horse taken from me. These are my family please remember – not my possessions.  But I looked again (with “real eyes” and not he eyes of memories of that nasty woman who stole my horse- which is another story altogether) and saw she was just having the experience, and frankly, there is a point in every baby’s life where they have to have a separate life from their mother!

This was going to be ok. Molly and I would be adult mom’s together.

Summer would go on to be trained in her most optimal skills, perfect for her, she loves doing anything with people.

My husband went back with the man to get Molly and make sure everything was OK.  I brought my granddaughter to day care and returned in time to greet the trailer. Master, my 26 year old retired show horse who is deeply in love with Molly, turned into a five year old stud – strutting his stuff, even doing beautiful fancy natural “dressage” on his own, like a bird showing off for his mate. His front legs snapping out in two tempes, his back straight and strong – it was beautiful to see. They wrapped around each other like ying and yang, and i could feel the warm joy emanating from the circle of reuniting so I squished myself right there in the middle, and we were all OK, all together again.

Welcome home Molly 😉

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smiling Molly and happy Master

You’re on a diet as of today – but there will be NO lack of love.

Coming Home…

11058422_10155457972080647_7297025518114879187_nMolly was a horse that was abandoned here with her baby.

I kind of knew the guy. He paid me a few times to bring horses to the suburbs to surprise his kids, and since this was my greatest ever fantasy as a child which never happened, I did it happily.

Then when he called out of the blue one day and said:

“I just bought two horses on impulse for my kids, can I board them at your place, or I can keep them here at this cow farm?”

I have to admit I was silenced.

“You what?”

DISCLAIMER: I take responsibility right here at this moment in time to tell you that asking questions is very very important – and i didn’t ask enough of them – or any. What a moron.
I should have asked simple horsie related questions like…

“Have the horses ever been touched by human hands” – to which he would have  replied had he known anything at all:

“No indeedy. The baby has never been handled and she is a massive 900 pound unruly 18 month old and the mother is a ridiculously fat and hard headed, unsaddled but nicely tempered brood mare who WILL run you over if you are not intending the same direction that she is”.

Yes indeedy, this is what he would have said if he hadn’t just bought two horses he had no clue about from a gambling debt. Yup.

Being the functional deniar that I am – my mind quickly “made up” an entire fictitious scenario; that he had of course, like any reasonable person would have, bought his “two inexperienced head strong kids’ – a couple of old horses that were heading off to meat.

HOW do I make this crap up?? I may never know but it’s what makes me a good writer I figure.

The fact is I did not ask this or any other question.

Why not?? You may ask yourself.

Well, frankly I do too.

Meanwhile, we arrive at the farm, meet up with “the guy” who escorts me into a 100 year old cow-barn/large equipment storage facility, scary old pace with ghosts and dead things. There in the back of the low roofed barn, complete with foot deep (horse leg breaking) gutters for mucking cow stalls, is a stall containing two horses – we;ll really, four beady eyes staring at me from the dark abyss.

I”m pretty sure i said something like “what the hell is that?”11880617_10155944293755230_8371160800738576233_n

And they opened the door.

The muck in the stall was to my knees, and I’m quite sure neither of them had seen the light of day for – well, maybe a very long time.

They were two black matted (wasn’t quite sure at the time) dirty horses.  One pure black it seemed and the mother with a thin strip and snip on her face. The baby clung behind the mother, trying to scare us off with her bared teeth.

The mother, who they called Molly, was immediately friendly, and made eye contact with me on her own.

It was then I discovered the baby had barely been handled and never haltered. She was also 900 pounds, massive and nearly 2 years old. This was going to be a challenge but there was no way i was leaving them at the well intentioned cow farmer’s barn with the coming -40 weather.

Molly got on the trailer without a hitch, no problem at all, leaving her baby frantic and running rampantly through the low roofed scary tractor sharp tools and leg threatening place. Luckily we were all pretty experienced “farm folk”, and knew to arm ourselves with plywood and to create a human tunnel the baby would follow onto the trailer where her mother waited amazingly patiently.  The baby’s name was Summer.

468439_10152865275575313_91759064_oSummer was still nursing on Molly at nearly two years old and had barely ever had contact with humans. Her feet had never been touched by a blacksmith and were looking perilously long, but she could not even be haltered yet, never mind willing to give her feet – an ultimate sign of trust in a horse. We were unable to handle Summer in any way really for about the first six months. We had to handle her “by proxy” through Molly. Coming off the trailer we learned early that Molly was our ticket to Summer. As long as Molly was with us, Summer would follow, one person hailing her energy from behind, we learned to stay out of harms way and eventually got her into the barn, frantically waving our arms to get her into a stall without her mother.  We could see poor Molly needed a break from this incessantly needy horse.

We handled Summer much in this way for about a year. It took her fully six months to stop lunging across fence lines with her teeth bared, in a protective stance with her mother as a barricade against humanity. Eventually she saw Molly enjoying the interactions with people and began to let us touch her head for brief periods. A young astute horse girl who was staying here began to try and get Summer’s halter on.  It was an ever unfolding drama here at the farm, the closer we got , every inch felt like a victory.  It became a source of amusement to watch Molly look bored with it all, always sweet and consistent in her behaviour. I cried the first day the blacksmith was able to finally halter and handle summer just enough to do her front feet. We were lucky enough to have someone working with us who understood her limitations and didn’t push her past what she was able to accept, which was greatly appreciated.

Good experiences prevailed for the horses and eventually Summer and Molly began working with us as therapy horses in the WillowCreek Stables retreat. we would ask attendees to choose a horse that resonated with them, and often there would have to be straws drawn especially over molly as she tended to draw people who wanted a peaceful experience. 1241036-bigthumbnail

Sometimes summer would attract someone I felt had “too much energy” for her. She was quite a magnet for mirror energy and two like her created an explosive experience I had come to understand. She needed someone very quiet, even shy, and was excellent at bringing people out of themselves and making them smile.

We knew eventually we would have to separate mother and baby – but I guess due to the timing of my own birth mother’s dying and issues that adopted people sometimes have, I was completely tortured by the idea of separating a mother and baby. I knew it wasn’t or healthy, so i put Summer in the big field with the larger herd, and Molly stayed with Master, my old horse, who became obsessively attached to her. I mean, candlelight, wine, whinnying  – the whole shebang –  obsessed.

Somehow though, i felt that summer and molly were so brilliant, and so amazing and awesome and beautiful that me using them merely as companion animals was a waste of good talent and strength and really, unparalleled personalities. I was really beaten down for about a year and a half,  while recuperating and adapting to severe traumatic loss  of which I had had a bunch in a small period of time, and i was simply unable to give the energy to the horses I felt they needed.

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Three years after they were abandoned at our farm,  a man came to inquire after buying some horses that were potentially good carriage horses. After  a long conversation with him about his lifetime of experience with this particular breed of horse, and after months and years of feeling like i was unable to hold up all of the responsibilities of my farm any longer, I gave away Molly and her baby summer to the man, hoping he was the one who could “better fulfill their potential”.

I thought they would be better with him

I thought he could make them happier

I thought I thought…blah blah blah…
I was wrong.

prayer11-300x252I stayed quiet through this time and  made choices, to keep reading, learning and breathing. I focused on  music, and the future. My children and grandchildren. i focused on philosophy and understanding that I am not the only one who is going through a shift in personal understanding.  That everything that happens, although it feels like so much – is not personal.

He said i could come and visit and see how they were whenever I wanted to, but I didn’t go often after I delivered the horses to his house. That day I stayed for as long as I could but i didn’t like to visit, it made me feel sad to think of them, but I figured over time this would pass.

When I would arrive at his farm it was as if Molly could feel me comic- always running like lightening to greet my arrival from wherever she is int he field or shelter. I felt wonderful to now she was far from forgetting me.

In reality, I think Summer is very lucky to have had her mother escort her to her new home – most horses are separated much younger and with much less care. Yet, three mornings ago, I woke with an undeniable need to have my horse Molly back. I have never done this, in all of the years I have worked and re homed dozens of horses – I have never had this heart breaking feeling even after three months. Thank God the man understood and was willing without a fight or argument. She has been fine and well cared for.  I have visited her, but there is something that is missing, and frankly it was me and her together.

Molly and I belong together as sure as anything. I don’t feel that she “belongs to me” – more that we belong together. I think that that is real love.

And Molly, my sweet girl, may or may never become a great saddle horse, may or may not become a great harnessing horse – she actually may never have a ‘function” at all – other than to be loved by all of us. That sounds like a pretty good deal any way you slice it.

I am filled with so much gratitude – A long list…

For my husband not telling me i am insane six days before leaving for Australia again – to bring Molly back.

For him even calling the man for me when i was too worried of just crying like a crazy person on the phone.

My nephew for his willingness to add another to the long list of things to take care of on the farm while i am away.

I thank God for the lessons of the past few months that showed me that true value is in how other beings show you who you are,  how they support your growth by presenting you with challenges  and how their mere presence in your life can shift an change your understanding of the meaning of absolutely everything you thought you knew.

Tomorrow morning Molly comes home.  My heart is singing 🙂

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