Not Alone

bridge starsAs the moon turns her back

I sit on the cold track,

awaiting the fate

That barrels down fast.

Pulling my knees to my chest,

Maybe it would be best

Just to lay here

and let it all happen.

But there is more.

We are all alone.

My hand reaches out for the warm

familiar soft touch to my face

slow keening breath –

Dark velvet covering hot love.

We are all together.

The only truth in this moment

There is no other.

Not really.

Run from the side that tells you

You cannot ride or fly or cry

It is just a lie!

We are all alone.

In a slick liquid twist of the story-

Like a politician’s platform

Made true so you believe

what you need to,

In this convenient moment,

We are all alone.

Go hide in your liquid dream then,

Behind your busy life –

Identity life-

Important life –

Your Life.

It’s the only reality you want.

Stop complaining.

Make choices.

I will watch –

as my mind reaches for answers

it never had the questions for.

Because you know…

We are not alone.

Time-Line Your Life for An Amazing Perspective Check

Have you ever time lined your life? Wow – what an experience.

Try it.

Start from the last big event…be objective and don’t put little things like ‘Fight with Joe” or details that are not “life upending”. The purpose is for you to see that things come…and go…and come…and go. and you can make it through it all!

I started mine from when we had left the city and moved to our first farm.

2007 July –  moved to farm. Two days later – began started taking in refuge animals.

November 10 – got married after 8 years raising seven kids together – bout time 😉

March 2008 – farm arena falls under snow – devastation. Business is destroyed.

2009 – move to temp house – and finally permanent farm three months later.

3 years of renovations ensue – frenetic trip to Costa Rica alone.

2011 – find out mom has lung cancer – let the devastation begin

2 years of hell…with medical/worries/anger/fear/dealing with terrified angry family who can barely stand being in same room with me.

So ok…Work like hell on music – creation of album, focus focus focus,  gigs, work, gigs, work, write, gigs, work…

2013 – July – Lucy my friend and teacher dies of ALS. She gave me my garden. I am so grateful.

September 6 – my (best) mom dies. I know – most people don’t get a “best” mom – but this one was kinda special.   I was adopted by my grandmother who died when I was 15. – #NotSoSpecial.

2014 – RIP Otis –  my beautiful best-friend horse/ranger and daily companion.

RIP –  Ranger my cat of 20 years ( a twin)

RIP –  Buzz Lightyear the super-goat(another twin)

RIP – Mike’s suicide (didn’t see it coming…)

RIP – Anne suicide (really really didn’t see it coming…) – ouch.

November: KABOOM. Richard my dear friend and producer of my album dies suddenly.
Do you hear the toilet flushing?  Those are my hopes and dreams…

2015 –

RIP Casper – Buzz’s twin – only relief felt at this. He was lonely for his brother and really old.

RIP – Randy – another suicide…why is this happening??

SEGUE…

Feb 2015 – surprise ten-day trip to Australia with John – woohoo. Loved it.

May 2015 – Move to Australia – seems like a good idea.

Really?? This all seems so random to me.

Its like living two or three lives in one…Insane.  I was supposed to be  a lawyer or politician or businessy person or something along those lines. My entire childhood groomed me for this.  But the soul is MUCH louder – really you can’t shut it up and there was a musician inside that just wouldn’t let me stop making music. Thank God.

The musician won.

The lawyer in me left town.

The politician committed suicide.

This time line lets me see a few things:

1- Life has WAVES of stuff…there were years without any death or chaos,…then there were years where it was all condensed. This line reminds me that when the “waves” happen – they will pass and turn into something else.

2- You cannot predict a bloody thing.

I have been a daughter/wife/student/mother/teacher/writer/business person/politician/activist/poet/musician/composer/artist/trainer now…

what?

I guess I want to share this in case someone else needs to relate to the “i don’t know where I’m going but I’m pretty sure I am supposed to be going this way” feeling of life…

There was a song I wrote a while back called “Traveling Man” – must be about 16 years now.  I have never played it – but the lyrics seem to be randomly popping into my head as i think of all the people who are so important to me and me to them – my tribe of and loved ones –

TRAVELING MAN

Wish I was a traveling man looking to find my way

I would tell you all my dreams

in love we’d live each day

But I don’t’ know where I’m going,

please help me get there soon,

Lord I don’t know where I’m going!

But you’ll find me waiting by the moon…

Maybe it will be time to launch that one at our final gigs this weekend.

🙂

Peace

Time Canon

CHOOSING TIME WISELY…

Rik Roe: Words & Pictures

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Writer’s block always strikes at some point.

The Creative process is sometimes a fickle thing, and we can either experience it as the flow of the stream, the roar of the river…or as the ebb of the tide.

Lately, due to circumstance(s), creativity has been much at a standstill. Living life has been more the priority, or more in fact, ensuring that I’m able to live the life that I/We want.

Health issues have never been “issues” to me through out the time I’ve spent living thus far, but apparently life does have a way, like most things, of catching up with you.

More genetics than lifestyle, my new found eye openers, have given cause for a lot of reflection (having had a lot of “empty time” waiting in hospitals and for doctors), and I’ve decided that the legacy I choose to leave, if any, will more so be the…

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