About Drunks in Bars…

bridge starsWas it a CRAZY moon this weekend? I know the full moon has an effect on folks, although science says that’s not true one day we will find out that once again, “science” was wrong.   This weekend was definite proof of insanity caused by the moon.

As a singer, I see lots of different kinds of people. When I go to work, I usually meet drunk people, sober people – and mostly all very kind people.  Then again – I rarely work in the big city.

Friday night I had a big gig with myt friend Bill at a restaurant/bar/microbrewery where it seems that everyone was under 20.

The people were almost as beautiful as their cars. Everything was shiny and smelled like an onslight of perfume too expensive for a 20 year old.   Full moon or friday night can be blamed maybe for the level of drunkeness in the place.  It seems it is popular there to have your birthday and then drink to the point of vomiting. Sounds like fun?

Friday was bad. First I was accosted by a drunken teenage girl, who was apparently celebrating her birthday but a the rate that she was drinking would probably not see a ton more.  After slinking around the stage a few times looking for attention, she launched herself unceremoniously onto the stage and began talking in the musician’s faces. I had to make it clear to her that her night would go very badly if she didn’t get off my stage and stop bothering everyone.  It made me angry and annoyed. I stepped forward towards her, she continued arguing. She looked younger than my kids, so I bent down and got “motherly” with her.  I suggested that she stop behaving like a moron and  walk away. I think she saw I was serious.

She slurred

“I work here”…

I said ,

“Not for long”…

What amazed me was that my reaction to conflict was very different than it had ever been in the past. In fact, I noticed that my heart rate didn’t even increase. Honestly, despite my “night job”, I’m not used to violence or anger like that. Where I live we play music because it makes us happy, and generally people come to the music because they want to feel good. I dontthink this crowd was the same. I felt like I was on a movie set it was all so unreal.  Then, when I returned to the same place the next night for a second show, I was optimistic that such a disasterous evening could not repeat itself. I was right. It could however –  get wor

Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting? But…I’m a Hippie!!

Arriving early, everyone was at the stage setting up and the musicians greeting each other. We all hadn’t played together in many years, so it was a little like a reunion.  I noticed behind me a long table full of rowdy men. The place was packed, and these guys were dominating the energy.  A stag party, I quickly ascertained.

Soon after our arrival one of the members of this group came to us pretty drunk, asking if he could play a song for his friend who was getting married. I told him straight out that if he was too drunk, he couldn’t come up, but if he could behave and prove he wouldn’t destroy our instruments or puke on stage, he could.  I told him that I would decide when the song would happen and that he could go back to his friends, I would call him up.  He didn’t seem to like that I was taking control of the band…which is my job.  He walked towards me like a young horse with no discipline or boundaries.

“So,  you the big boss or something?” he said to me, taking a step forward into my space agressive and impolite.

“I sure am”, I said looking at him squarely in the eye and not giving an inch.

Then he made a terrible choice.

He took a quick step to be beside me, and then before I could say or do anything, he launched his arm around my shoulder pulling my face to him and crushed his lips on my cheek in an angry way. I had never been kissed angrily before. It was a violent uncomfortable feeling.  I was immediately repulsed.

My hand fleew up and pushed on his chest and without really touching him much, felt all my anger and shock pour out to him and he stepped back.

“You’d better go now or this will go bad for you”.  He gave me a victorious smirk like he had gotten somethign I didnt want to give him and now I couldnt take it back.  I was angry and confused.

I got on stage and started the first set quietly.  It is a restaurant so we generally begin quietly so that people eating aren’t unable to speak over their meals.

We began with Ain’t No Sunshine, a song I enjoy playing acoustic on.  Within seconds the drunk man was back at the stage demanding to come on. I could feel the band behind me getting irritated. I told him no and to move back.  I repeated that when I wsa ready I would call him.

When he continued to persist I leaned over and said past the sound:

“You’re too drunk to be on my stage”. I said firmly and finally. Then stood up and continued to play the song.

“YOUR stage?…bitch.”…he said.  I have met men like this, who don’t like women with any sense of personl power.  They are few and happily far between, but I could smell this one like a dog in the bushes.

The next thing that happened reminds me of a good volleyball strategy, where players set up in a strategic triangle and the ball is handled three times before being enthusiatically spiked to a victorious finale.

At first, he stood in front of me and tried to get on stage and I pushed him off and he stumbled to John my husband playing rhythm who in a quick move he pushed him  harder to the leftwhere he stumbled incomprehendgly landing him in front of my bass player who took one defintive step forward and uncermoniously launched the guy three tables away. It was over.

The song stopped and the bass player gave the guy brief but insistent instructions as to what he could do with his own personal anatomy.

What a night.

I spent all day yesterday recouping my energy from all of these events.  I felt like I was sucked dry.

The irony is that i am supposed to be working on fifth chakra “setting boundaries an dexpressing needs” this month, and it seems like the Universe is making it evidently possible for me to practice the elements of this chakra in everything I do.  Big challenges all over the place.

The difference between being in a spiritually focused place and not, is that I see these situations as opportunities to pratice what I am learning. I certainly don’t see them as coincidences – that’s for sure.  But the willingness to see an opportunity for spiritual understanding does not supercede the fact that I was completely freaked by this.  The differnece is I was interested in WHY i was freaked out.  What was the thought behind the emotion? I was angry.  In fact I think I was angry on behalf of women EVERYWHERE who can’t go into a bar or social situaiotn without being on guarD.

Someone actually said to me (jokingly) that night it all happened because I was dressed “too damned hot”. Really?

Here’s what i think.

Women should be able to go anywhere, anytime wearing anything, kooking as hot as they possibly can – without feeling like they are being preyed upon by some moronic jackass who obviously has some lacking moral fiber. Some filament of goodness that God just hasn’t installed yet. Maybe he needs an update?

Dear Men,

Here’s the deal.

Then we all go to these places and we play – we assume roles and we have fun with them.

That’s the good part. But then you have a terrible habit of screwing it up. This comes from an unfortunate feeling of entitlement our culture has taught you. When you begin to think you have some kind of right to us because we are dressed up – like we did it for you personally and not for ourselves (which is your first mistake) then we have a problem. A big one.

Even though I work in bars, I rarely (never) get treated like a piece of meat – which is exactly how it felt. You would think it is more common, but not really. I thought I was pretty good at setting my boundaries. Plus we play often in the country, and it seems there is an entirely different mentality when it comes to going out on a saturday night.  Less craziness from people who are connected to the land. City people are wacko. Im sorry…but it’s true.

Even so, I have become pretty mellow – or so I tbought. I was surprised at the strength of my reaction to this.  I live today in an environment where I am surrounded by friends and family and even strangers who are gentle and kind and loving.  This exposure to what someone referred to as “the real world” shook me.  What is it I have been missing, because those kids were a mess.  I thought the world had come further I think and so standing there feeling like I was in the middle of a bad Mad Max remake, was unsettling to say the least.

After the guy “kissed” me, I felt the impression of his face on my face for hours.  It was like I couldn’t wash him off me.  I tried to identify what it was that had left me with an impression. Was I taking this personally?

Sort of. I took it personally on behalf of women everywhere.

What is it that makes someone think they have some entitlement to you?

I become resentful, maybe I am emerging as an old feminist, but being in a bar, and even when I am on stage and men look at me as though they want to eat me for lunch.  Phewf.

I see again how my horses are instrumental in their teachings.  I was able to handle this situation calm and with no amount of feeling it personally. I felt it as “energy” and not “an event”.

I love when life throws me little satires that help me see where I am along my path.

I wrote three songs after all of this.  This is a big deal – I havent been able to get a song out of me in 6 months.

For all of you ladies out there – here are the lyrics for the blues standard I wrote inspired by this fine gentleman…

🙂 enjoy!

(Blues standard in E)

I called it “GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME”

🙂

You saw me come in the front door

ANd I saw it in your eyes

It wouldn’t be very long

Before you’d try to waste my time

Did you think your smelly drunken drawl

had some kind of appeal

I think that it might be time,

for you to get real.

CHORUS

Get your hands off of me

Who the hell do you think you are?

Get your hands off of me

Didnt your mama raise you right?

Get your hands off of me

You ain’t gettin lucky in this bar

Get your hands off of me

Unless you’re looking for a fight

Ref: you’d better take a quick step back

or I’m gonna give you a heart attack

Maybe your mama rejected you

when you were just a child

Or daddy spanked you once to hard

and then you just turned wild

I ain’t got nothin

I want to say to you

You’re not worth a minute

But if you keep talkin in my face

You’ve put your two feet in it.

CHORUS

I’m not gonna waste my time

on your narrow little mind

So turn around and walk away

Maybe –  you’ll be just fine

CHORUS

Take a some time

and take a breath

and  go out for a walk

and if you can find your brain

then maybe we can talk

CHORUS

Get your hands off of me

I don’t know who you think you are

get your hands off of me

You’re not getting lucky in this bar

Get your hands off of me

I got no time for wastin’

Get your hands off of me

Or it’s my boot that you’ll be tastin.

Have a great day! 🙂

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10 thoughts on “About Drunks in Bars…

  1. Ewwwwwwwwww. That drunken drawl makes my skin crawl and I know that feeling of having been branded by an unwanted touch. You handled it all so well, and I love the song you wrote.
    Well done you! xxxx

    Like

  2. Sister that song rocks! and you rock! Keep telling it! World needs that strength and push-back! And taking it home, too. I am in awe! Please take care of yourself these days and nights and let Spirit flow!

    Like

  3. Absolutely love the article and the lyrics!! Have you got the lyrics to music yet? You handled yourself really well and I was just picturing this guy being pushed by John and your other player who got him three tables away!! Never a dull moment in your life is there?

    Like

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