There are certain things I have trained my mind to do. I am trained like a ninja-commando-marine to hate Mondays. Not only is hating Mondays part of our subculture agreement, but I just have never adjusted well to the shift in routines between the happy carefree weekend and the quiet work and bad news filled week day.
The only thing that is the same for me on Mondays is the impending doom I awaken with each time. Like clockwork my brain is trained to expect the sinking feeling, each Monday morning. This is bad because Mondays set the stage for the week. It feels like a day where I don’t quite have my land legs on the weekend ending. My house has gone from insanely busy with kids, people, music and activities, to dead calm and full of work and possibility for disaster. I become hyper- aware of how loudly my black lab snores in the cavernous quiet of my big old farmhouse.
I have a terrible attitude. Mondays are a day to be diligent and aware. Kinder than normal to myself even. They are not a day for big earth shattering life altering decisions. These are definitely best kept for a Friday I’d say.
EGO and SOUL are each in their own corners. EGO pouts incessantly while SOUL sits calmly by and observes the maelstrom activity that I seem to be in the middle of. That seems to be an important difference between Soul and Ego – SOUL does not take actions to demand my attention, she observes uncritically. EGO on the other hand devotes its time to distracting me and judging each thought or action in a deprecating way. Exhausting.
My mind worries at the beginning of the week – I recognize EGO flexing his muscles trying to get in as much time with me as possible from the start. Life can change in the course of a day, or a minute. SOUL reminds me that all problems and challenges are a merely cause and opportunity to practice what I preach.
I look behind me and see Soul and Ego now engaged in a thumb war, initiated our of sheer boredom. I have filled my time and space with work these past two days- which allows me to ignore them both. But don’t be mistaken, there will be a time where I have to pay the piper. These things can’t be put aside indefinitely. I’d like to say I’m beyond paying attention to my EGO at all, but I’m not.
Each day needs some time where we can connect to where we are at, how we are feeling and not just fill our minds and with work and material “earthly” issues. This is what we call living rather than just existing. It seeks a balance and a real conscious effort at maintaining it. I am very lucky to live in a world that allows me an incredible balance. Being in nature and having at my disposal an incredible herd of horses and friend with whom to commune and share days with, is such a blessing. I am looking forward to sharing it with other people this weekend.
The first retreat is coming up and it is so well organized and the activities and food so amazing, that I actually wish I were attending rather than organizing it 🙂
For now, I will take some time with SOUL quietly and put EGO to bed. I am too tired to deal with tantrums right now.
SCORE: The judges have declared after much deliberation that the past couple of days have placed SOUL in a very slight lead, barely maintaining her presence in the face of some rather monstrous challenges. EGO meanwhile has been caught in a backroom shooting steroids – who knows what the future brings!