Old Song – Old Friend

There’s nothing like an old song to bring you back into focus.  Sometimes we can get so carried away with ourselves and our twisting tormented brains, that we forget who we are.  I think listening to an old song that you really loved when you were a kid can put your feet back on the ground, reminding you of who you are at your very center, before life got old and ran you over a few dozen times.

As a child of the 70’s I feel blessed to have grown up during a time of groundbreaking music that will never again be revisited but doesn’t seem to want to die. Even my own kids, who listen to something horrible and indiscernable called “dubstep” still listen to Zeppelin, Floyd and the Stones.  I hesitate to say it’s our SoulFusion rock band influence that has turned them into modern hippies because teenagers in my experience tend to consciously veer away from any direction that might look the same as their parents, I suppose in their determined search for individuality. But between you and I, the other day I overheard my daughter cranking Coltrane in her room.  I smiled at the small victory I must admit I felt.

This music made me feel things that music today rarely does.  Deep happy feelings.  I always feel like it’s summer when I listen to Chicago. And I think that we who loved 70’s music had the most amazing break up music!  None of this electro-technical crap today can compare with gems like Love Hurts by Nazareth.  Take “Bread” for example. Classic break up stuff.  Who hasn’t wept after the guy whose name you probably forgot ended up with a different girl (whose name you totally remember) at the party? Then you go home, crack open a tub of ice cream and put your turntable on and play “Diary” over and over and over and over again.  If this hasn’t happened to you, then you’re really missing out on something because there is nothing more absolutely delicious than real heartbreak.

Some songs have been so important that many of us probably wouldn’t have had our first marriages without them. Take Stairway to Heaven – the most important slow dance ever written bar none.  And Zeppelin really was great at providing all of the relationship experience in song. You could get together to Stairway, Have raging Sex to Kashmir or Levee and break up to Babe I’m Going To Leave You.  Zeppelin was an all round band. And old songs are like old friends, guiding you gently through memories and reminding you of what it feels like to be you again.


NOTE OF INTEREST: One Mind: Guide to Global Consciousness ONLINE

After many years of work,  I have finally begun to publish One Mind: A Guide to Global Consciousness online for free at www.onemindonline.wordpress.com

Your thoughts, feedback and personal experiences would be greatly appreciated. I am looking for anyone to share their own experience to potentially include in the printed version of the book to be published this fall.

Thanks in advance ~

Peace ~


The Next Right Thing

Many years ago, I had a very dear friend who demonstrated to me the power of doing the “next right thing”.  He taught me that this philosophy is available in all types of life circumstances.  He probably demonstrated it to me best when he kept following the philosophy through his cancer and awe-inspiring life challenges to the very moment of his death; he seemed to die a very happy and contented man.  I believe that this philosophy, available to everyone despite religion or spiritual belief, is the key to living a balanced spiritually connected life in any circumstance.

Many people look for a way to live a spiritual life.  They try all sorts of crazy things; waving incense around, banging on metal bowls,  twisting and contorting themselves into unnatural physical positions, they shave their heads and decorate themselves with symbolic tattoos that they don’t have the first clue about.  They look for magic in religion and find only the trappings of the human ego.  They look into things like wicca and magic, trying to find a way to gain more control over their lives.  Yet it seems the answer to living a spiritual life is not in all of these exterior solutions, but lies instead in a very simple philosophy of thinking.  It is the kind of thinking which, in a breath and with honest intention, can bring every effective prayer you know into action and can make your life make sense.  It will relieve you of all anxieties of you practice it enough and will help bring back that “joie de vivre” that you might remember from childhood.


The philosophy of living by “doing the next right thing” means that for every decision and choice that cross your path in a day, you access your inner feeling and follow your highest intuition.  Sometimes doing the next right thing is simple.  For example on the farm, there is a lot of work to do, so often doing the next right thing is completing the physical work that has to be done.  One job leads to the next leads to the next, so putting your head down and following is not a very difficult thing when you work in nature.

Sometimes life gives us what seems to be bigger obstacles to overcome, more impacting situations which have the power to change everything about your life.  For example, if the main breadwinner of your household gets laid off, which is something happening quite often in this strange economy of ours.  This requires a rethinking of what your expectations of your life were.   Or perhaps a diagnosis of cancer side tracks all of your plans.  In the case of these life altering events, you only have two choices. 1- accept it 2- don’t accept it.  If you choose not to accept a circumstance as it is, then you begin to fight against it. You enter into a state of denial about the situation and you give your interior power over to fear.

In order to live with the philosophy of “doing the next right thing”, you don’t just accept a thing, you remind yourself that there is a reason for everything, that nothing happens by accident and that if you are aware, you will find that the universe will lead you safely out of the maze of whatever if happening.  This is taking the action of living in faith; the path of least resistance. We don’t take the action of doing the next right thing because religion has told us that our God (in whichever form you believe) will judge us and punish us for our supposed misdeeds.  We take the action of doing the next right thing because it is the thing which will cause the greatest harmony in our lives.  In reality, we aren’t seeking “happiness”, we are seeking contentedness, and the ability to deal with life on life’s terms – even when life isn’t giving us the answers we think we should have.

Sometimes we can clearly see that the direction we are heading in is only bringing us misery, unhappiness, conflict, pain, uncertainty.  If thisis the case becomign aware and looking at other directions that life may be leading you is a good use of this philosophy.  Clearly, God or Source or whatever you’d like to call the creative force that lies behind life, can only have our best intentions at heart since we are one of its creations.  Following the next right thing to do in your life, even if that means just getting out of bed and brushing your teeth, is working within the powerful intended balance of how every living thing functions in unity.  By intending to place yourself in that wave of energetic intention for your life and others, you will naturally lead a more peaceful and balanced life.

Humility means the ability to follow your instinct – your gut about a thing even though your head may give you every reason why you are not capable of doing that thing, or why you shouldn’t.  Your mind expresses your fears – the limitations of your ego.  There are many different techniques to understanding how to hear the difference between your interior voice (which is connected to source) and your exterior voice (which is naturally impaired because it is contorted by your incorrect perceptions about your past and is rooted in fear). Today, Western culture is becoming more and more interested in meditation and yoga because it is becoming obvious that become more in tune you are with the natural and energetic world around you, the more able you are to make clear choices rooted in creative forward thinking energy and not fear and avoidance.

Finding your intuition comes in many forms.  Primarily, you may find that you follow synchronicity and coincidences more closely.  You may find that you pay more attention to what your heart is telling you and less attention to your mind. You see the world epaking to you more clearly, and you honour what you need more often so that you have the abliity to be of service in your life. I have never learned this lesson the easy way. When i am reminded of the strength of this philosophy, it is usually at a time when I am on my knees looking around and wondering what will come next.  Change comes in waves in everyone’s lives, and it seems my wave has arrived and I am forced to bring back to the forefront of my mind the discipline of reminding myself to follow and just do the next right thing.

Last night in my garden newly planted and brimming with butterflies and birds all looking for the freshly dug up worms, I felt the presence of my friend with me, his strong hand on my shoulder warm and comforting reminding me to just “do the next right thing”.  It has always been ok…it will always be ok.

In my gratitude for the patience and love he has and continues to have for me,  I wanted to share his wisdom with you.  I know my writing cannot do as good a job as having watched him put it into practice even to his last day, but I hope it gives you some ideas of your own.



I don’t usually talk about this in my writing but I am a singer. I have a fantastic band (SoulFusion) and the music we make is absolutely amazing.  I have the joy of being surrounded by some of the finest musicians you could ever hope for, and together we are quite a force of nature ~ literally.

I don’t say this to ring my bell but it’s a fact.  We all five  have something, very unique and powerfully soul driven when we know to get out of its way. Something we know in outr own way that was given to us as a creative power to express our innermost selves.  This inner expression can surpass words.  This is the ultimate gift of the creative self;  to give everyone the ability to communicate beyond the limitations of our words. We can see how important this is becoming today since we have begun to learn things at an insanely fast rate and in some cases we don’t even have the linguistic vernacular to describe what we are newly experiencing or learning.  Music in particular tends to attract a rather extroverted passionate bunch. Interestingly enough, many of the musicians that I know are quite shy off stage. But on stage you cold set off a bomb and they wouldn’t flinch.  When I sing I feel like my soul is bigger than my self.  It’s as though time stands still and I am completely and literally “in my element”.   That’s because I am lucky enough to have discovered the gift I was given. But I truly believe every single person has a gift, and one of the essential purposes of life is to find it and use it.

Saturday was a night like this.  The band hadn’t played together in a while, and as we say, all of us were pent up. It was a real treat for me…you simply can’t screw up with a bunch of guys like that behind you, so you relax – and that’s exactly what I did.  I began to experience miracle after miracle as the night went on. And I don’t mean “little interpretive” miracles, but great big obvious ones that shake your foundations.

First off, I had lost my voice from the previous two nights singing. I knew I was being a moron, but I just had been through so much since last August when I had stopped singing because my mother was diagnosed with cancer; we began playing again after she was in remission, and this was our frist gig. I literally let loose and COMPLETELY LOST my voice. By the fourth set (it was a long hard night) I was so exhausted, I could barely make it to the car. I cried all day saturday (that’s a real treat for your voice to – not) and at home I tried everything to regain my voice for this show, but came up hopelessly laryngitic (if that’s even a word!). OK…I was “blowing air” as we say in the live music business.  And it was two hours before show time. I was dead.

So I did what every good recovering Catholic would do in a snap reaction to a stressful situation. I jumped into a long hot bath and prayed.  It isn’t a religious thing with me, it was an “I’m scared because I’m about to make a fool out of myself” thing, and God was my last resort. Wow do I have things upside down sometimes. At any rate, I went at it honestly”

God…I know you don’t take special requests but if you would just give me a little hand here, I really need my voice back. I am looking for a real miracle tonight”

“And if you can;pt do that (I figured too big and obvious)_ then just cancel the bloody gig.” i was really at a loss.

“Give me an idea…how do I get over this I’m ok with footwork, just tell me where!”.

Then came my part in this prayer deal…I had to actually LET IT GO. I had NO CHOICE. I had to TRUST that when I needed it, the thing God gave me would just be there. Wow..that was like jumping off a cliff, but it was allot less work and really allot less gross than gargling with luke warm sweet jasmine tea. That was one of six, but definitely my worse idea of curing Laryngitis. I had to give it all up.  It was a very freeing feeling and not as exhausting as trying and trying to fix it always coming up with no result.  I had topped steaming, breathing, meditating, praying…nothing. I just knew I had to assume that this had already worked and that when I needed my voice it would be there. And that if i did show up with no voice, I would handle it as best as I could and deal with it.  I settled on ok with any scenario. Acceptance.

Then I remembered Janis used tequila. I hate tequila.  Ask my husband; it’s his greatest disappointment that I won’t drink tequila with him. It tastes like gasoline and I don’t like it. But, in that bathtub I had a sudden and clear thought to take a couple of shots of tequila. It was the craziest notion and really the total opposite of what is recommended in the case of laryngitis. In fact every doctor or specialist alive will tell you never to drink anything that dehydrates you, like caffeine or alcohol when you have lost your voice. But there I was, wrapped in a towel, now clearly insane, my wet hair sticking to my face and shoulder and freezing cold in our old farmhouse. I leaped into the kitchen startling my worried husband and declared – we need tequila!

“Really?” was all he said as he poured two shots.

He set em up and we took and shot. I pinched my nose. It wasn’t so bad so I had a second and finally and third before we left.  I was in a pretty fine mood by the time we got to the gig and I had to meet up with band.  We had a start time of about 45 minutes after I arrived so we had time to set up our instruments, but we never really talked. I could sense a real anticipation that night, and I was happily surprised that everyone’s wasn’t more exhausted from the past night. We aren’t 20 anymore ya know.

On the stage we had a replacement bass player, someone we had welcomed back into our lives after not having seen him for a really long time. We had some really great gigs in the past and so because we were all old friends there was no discomfort, no wondering about styles or whatever – it was like a big happy reunion on stage.  And frankly, we could have given a shit if there was an audience there or not because by the second set, following an insanely slow 14 song first set, as requested by the owners (they had dinner clients who thought Highway to hell was a bit much  to compliment their steak and wine…imagine that? :)) we were chomping at the bit like a bunch of overfed Kentucky Derby racehorses. We were “rarin to go” and wow…did we go.

I told Shawn, my guitar player that I had never felt so absolutely EXCITED to play music. This next set, I told him, would be extraordinary. Just you wait and see. He smiled and looked a little concerned.

First we blew Ramble On  by Led Zeppelin out of the water, and I don’t remember what the second song was supposed to be (I never stick to the set list ) but I know I had this sudden urge to play Move Over by Janis – I mean…I spun on my heel and gave dave the drummer a steely glare…

“Move Over” and I smiled.  It was a really cool moment between two people who love the rhythm of the music the most. We are both big followers and students of African drumming and so he understood I think what kind of power I was wanting to generate with that song.

The audience went immediately bananas when he hit the bass drum after only two solid “whacks”.  I started to sing and there was this moment where the song just went all perfect,, in this great cohesion. We were all at our PEAK of whatever it is we were doing. Me singing, John on guitar, dave on drums. Then, the most incredible strange and weird thing that I have ever in 30 years of singing seen…and I swear I am not lying I have 50 witnesses;

My glass exploded.

My water-glass, which was a beer glass with water sitting on my djembe blew up. Exploded. Shattered from inside to out. Glass was everywhere, and ironically, I had been reading Janis’s  biography Buried Alive and decided (abnormally) to take my shoes off and let my “Janis” all hang out. Which apparently attracted quite an energy.  No one was injured 🙂

But I noticed things. First, we didnt miss a beat and the audience really likes that kind of stuff.  Second, my body moved with ease which was amazing because I had just come 36 hours previously from a horrible back injury where I hardly walked in 6 days.  When I wasn’t singing, I felt the pain return.

I don’t know what it was that happened, but we all felt something big; bigger than us, but somehow coming from and as a result of he music we were making.  I think it simply came from the fact that at that moment, we were all our most HAPPY.  We were in our elements, as they say, quite literally. Where your creative spiritual self aligns itself with the intention of the universe for your highest understanding.  Simply put, it’s a tremendous sign that you are doing what the calling of your soul guides you too. It takes some kind of courage to listen to it though.

This experience had a very profound effect on me.  It really has shown me the incredible importance of the inner journey to find your creative center.  This is our most important task.

Can you imagine the energy of the planet if everyone were doing what they most loved in life?

I know it sounds impossible now, almost ridiculous, but really…IMAGINE IT – Because NOTHING is possible, until we can imagine it.


For The Times They Are A Changin…

Come gather ’round people Wherever you roam

And admit that the waters Around you have grown

And accept it that soon You’ll be drenched to the bone

If your time to you Is worth savin’

Then you better start swimmin’ Or you’ll sink like a stone For the times they are a-changin’.
Come writers and critics Who prophesize with your pen

And keep your eyes wide The chance won’t come again

And don’t speak too soon For the wheel’s still in spin

And there’s no tellin’ who That it’s namin’

For the loser now Will be later to win

For the times they are a-changin’.
Come senators, congressmen Please heed the call

Don’t stand in the doorway Don’t block up the hall

For he that gets hurt Will be he who has stalled

There’s a battle outside And it is ragin’

It’ll soon shake your windows And rattle your walls

For the times they are a-changin’.
Come mothers and fathers Throughout the land

And don’t criticize What you can’t understand

Your sons and your daughters Are beyond your command

Your old road is Rapidly agin’

Please get out of the new one If you can’t lend your hand

For the times they are a-changin’.
The line it is drawn The curse it is cast

The slow one now Will later be fast

As the present now Will later be past

The order is Rapidly fadin’

And the first one now

Will later be last

For the times they are a-changin’.


Co-Creation: Things made from the creative center of a person never get old because they were made with the guiding hand of the eternal.


There you are!

Blank page in my face

Staring at me without a trace

Of memory from minutes before.

Demanding answers from the debauchery of my soul –

I shake my fist at the bloody sky!

Impotent in my rising,

Covering nothing but the space,

Between You and I

It’s not like You haven’t seen it all before!

Laugh out loud then!

Shut the door.

My ink covers you methodically,

Seeping blood smearing its way

to the heart of the matter.

The wound hasn’t changed dammit!

Only the hand that writes of it.

I won’t allow the blood spilled to be fruitless

and wasteful.

It has been my greatest teacher-

Love’s epic demise!

For I have found the windows through the shutters

and taken the time to peer

Deeply inside.

Maybe one day

You will allow me

in an afternoon

To show you

What mysteries I have found!

Show me your JOY!

I once knew someone who asked me if I was normally attracted to people who were “needy”. I was absolutely shaken by his question of course because it was something which at the time was true and I wasn’t particularly fond of how weak it made me feel. With one question, sometimes our mind can open to so many more possibilities.  At first the question hung around the back of my mind, and every time a person would approach me with some new dramatic crisis, his words would replay quietly jabbing at the place within me that needs to always know the truth even when it’s not pretty. The reason it was an “ugly” truth is because being attracted to people who are needy means I am avoiding my own personal inventory by entrenching myself in other people’s issues, which of course don’t hit as close to home for me so I don’t have time to face my own daunting issues.  Your friends reflect who you are quite frankly – so if they were needy what did that make me??

I hated the thought of being “needy”- just the mere word played on my ego.  It made me feel weak and somehow incapable of handling my life – which to tell you the truth was how I felt inside myself but that someone could see the chink in my armour that I didn’t even identify was a little unsettling.

It’s not as though I set out to change anything consciously, but once you know something..you can;t “unknow” it, and things changes naturally by the simple awareness of the matter.  Since that time, not only have the number of needy people (including him) decreased to almost nothing in my life, but I am much more aware of when I am giving to give, or giving to avoid.  It has become obvious that before I give of myself, I have to be very honest with my own inside self of what my true motivations are for helping. Understand that there is a clear difference between friends ho need a hand (this is our job as humans) and needy people who stay in pessimistic thinking and blame the world for their ills, never taking responsibility for themselves. Needy people seek their happiness through others and cannot find it within themselves.  They are ego-bound individuals selfish and narcissistic in their concerns…and I was one of them.

This doesn’t mean I don’t help friends when I can. But I do it for the right reasons. The right reasons must always have the bigger picture in mind, since every act of giving is inherently selfish (we always get something back…a good feeling, an unspoken debt etc…) Recently we had friends living with us for a while.  They were in a pretty tight spot, and we had extra room. Seemed to make sense, but before I said yes I had to really sit down and have a conversation with my soul about it.  Was I inviting another life into my life where the problems were so huge and overwhelming that for a period I could avoid myself.  I had to look myself sternly in the eye (metaphorically speaking) and ask if I was avoiding something.  In this case no…I wasn’t. In fact, my intuition said that having these people around would greatly contribute to my self-awareness so off we went.  It was a fantastic time and they have since gotten on their feet.  Helping came at no price to me other than an exercise in conscientious self-awareness.

It wasn’t like this just a few years ago.  I had a gazillion people in my life, drawn to me like magnets, all emotionally bleeding in some way. Each one of them I see today reflected my need to understand myself. But things change, and I have found that as I changed, so did the people I attracted into my life. I don’t have allot of needy faithless and terrified friends who are trying to solve their spiritual issues materially. I no longer entertain whiners or complainers or people who blame the world for all of their ills…they don’t last too long in my company. If I look at my friends and family today I am surrounded by people who are forward searching, kind, loving and compassionate beyond belief, unassuming and undemanding, supportive and available when friendship needs arise.

Helping people was a way to define myself to the world. “Oh look how NICE she is”. The motivation behind my actions had a great deal to do with the opinion I wanted you to have of me, because if you knew how terrified I was truly inside, then you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.  I attracted people who would suck the energy out of me. If I was positive they would drag me down with their negative energy. If I was negative, they would commiserate with my misery and we would all complain together.  One of the blogs I follow named these people “energy vampires” – and I had a whole crew of them.

I have changed since then. Just being aware of something can change everything about you.  Not in a scary immediate way, but over time.  Ultimately a positive change helps you to become more comfortable with you…and your divine aspect.

Once you begin to peel away the layers and dig at the truth of yourself, you will find things out about yourself which don’t make you very happy.  First things first…loose judgement.  Every time you have a negative thought about something you discover about yourself  – stop and see it like information you are reading in a book. It’s just information, base don the past. Before you read it…you didn;t know about it. Now that you do, the future is different, so don’t sweat it.

Second thing – don’t try to change yourself al in one shot. Just observe how you use this information in your life. Observe…don’t interfere.

Third – make choices for yourself as if you are completely emotionally and spiritually balanced.  If you, for example, find a needy person coming in, and you want to get involved, at least be honest with yourself as to why you’re doing it. Staying with yourself on things…and not getting caught up in your own self-created illusions based on what you want people around you to think of you..is nevert going to lead to happiness or contentedness. Conversely, NOT helping because you are worried about what the neighbours may think, is equally damaging.

We aren;t looking to be happy you know.  We are looking for a way for life t make sense, and for us to make sense in the midst of it all. To have a place, a purpose and a feeling that what we do is important and has an impact on the world for the short time we;re in it.  We want to be able to handle life on life’s terms.  We are looking for something much bigger than happiness. We are looking for JOY.

The way to joy can be a long road. You have to make a decision to get very honest with yourself. Know yourself. Drop judgement. ACCEPT IT ALL. and just keep doing your best – which is what everyone is doing anyways.



Are you consciously affected by the full moon, because I certainly am.

Science claims to find no correlation between  people’s moods and the full moon. According to scientific studies, there is no correlation for example between increases in suicide and murder rates and the full moon. However, personal accounts of erratic emotional sensitivity, heightened feeling of creativity or even sexual libido abound during the full moon.  Could it be that the popular media which created and embedded in us our notions of the full moon;  from werewolves to urban legends of rape and murder statistics soaring during full moons increasing could have created a profound integration into our thinking?  It’s a chicken and egg question if you take it on the totally intellectual level. But on the personal experience level, everyone seems to have either a certain knowledge that they are in some way affected by the full moon. More often women have an awareness more than their malle counterparts.  In my estimation, it isn’t very complicated.

The moon is the satellite planet orbiting our planet earth. It does not contain life, but does create the gravitational force that we enjoy here on earth 🙂

This gravity effect is evidenced in the motion of the waves of the ocean .  It is the moon that creates these waves and the tides are entirely governed by the daily cycles of the moon.

The human body is made up of 76% water…do you see where I am going here?

I am no doctor or metascientist, but it doesn’t make any sense in my limited left brain capacity that . moon would not have some if not profound tand recordable effect on the human body when it’s energies shift from low influence to high influence, such as this past full moon we all enjoyed last Saturday night. It would make the most sense that it would effect our endocrinological system – our hormes, as they are most easily influenced by shifting environmental factors.

This past weekend in my neck-of-the-woods the energy of the full moon was  frankly palpable.  It made us all a little wonky, although good fun was had by the oil barrel on such a perfectly clear night with friends. And the moon certainly was the hot topic of the night; that and my failing body.  I had been absolutely fine, having worked with a few horses under our first real sunny sky in what felt like forever, I may have pushed it abit far, but I didnt think to the point where I am now perched on pillows in bed unable to move. It had been a feew days of pent up emotons and I culd literally feel which of m’y energetic centers were systematically shutting down.  My back locked and I havent walked properly in three days. But somehow it felt conected to the moon.  There is no science here, only intuition.  I felt my body go more and more sour with each passing hour of the emerging moon. The coincidence is that the moon charts said it was full at exactly 11:36 which is the time I finally gave up and come into the house to find some relief from the ever-increasing pain.

Here’s how I think it works before you think I’ve lost my marbles.  🙂 The moon both activates our emotional centers nd represents them in some traditions.  Just like it’s relationship in the traditional horoscope, the moon (ascendant of cancer) is the planet of emotions. It represents and governs the human emotional state.  The moon however, and its emergent energy does not create emotion, it simply magnifies what is in the current flow of being processed by you.  So, if you have a tendency towards lower emotions like pessimism and depression, this can be a particularly debilitating time for you.  If you are on the cusp of a “small” what they call “manageable” depression you may find yourself sinking suddenly under the weight of the full moon. If you are given the grace (and I do believe that’s how it comes) a moment of clarity in which you see that your stasis is a gift to allow you time to analyze, integrate and accept all of those aspects that make up your personal biosphere, then you are left with two choices.  You can choose to wait it out, go with the flow and just experience the halting of your life until it changes. Or, you can take the time to become keenly aware that there is something working inside of you to bring you to another level of understanding. One of the things the medical, or more rightly, the pharmaceutical industry tries to convince us of is that mental illness cannot be cured. It can only be managed by their drugs. This is the type of mentality that keeps us addicted to the cures they create.  But understanding that the picture is bigger, much much bigger, and that there is a large amount of information on the universal clipboard and it takes time to integrate it all into your current understanding of yourself.

We have to become healers of ourselves in many ways.  Taking emotional responsiblity of your life is a big step in adulthood that not everyone takes.  Sometimes you take such a step and not everyone in your life steps that way with you.  But becoming emotionally responsible means making some difficult changes.  Becoming willing to do things differently, to take wild leaps of faith and to cascade yourself in the thing you know about yourself to be true and real, and not all of the illusions that you have hidden behind because you had no clue how to see yourself properly.

Life will present us all with great challenges.  Everyone has them, in their own way. And in each and everyone’s way, they are worming every day to balance these challenges of their mind and heart, the gulf between their exterior and interior lives.

Have you noticed that there are times in your life where these “all-encompassing” questions are very important, and other times where you couldn’t care less about the big picture because you’re just trying to muddle through daily life?

When your mind opens up and you feel one of those waves of consciousness about the bigger picture that exists all around, check out the cycle of the moon. the other capacity the moon clearly has is to shift our focus from our inner lives to the outer life that exists all around us.

These are not coincidences.  I think we are still walking around with the belief that the earth is some little solitary bubble, unaffected by anything that happens outside our atmosphere.  But we are quickly coming to see that this isn’t true.  We are greatly affected by everything from solar flares to lunar eclipses.  There is nothing that is not connected.

This kind of understanding can be very empowering if you have depression or other mood problems.  It tells you that it’s not just something out of your hands, some biochemical reaction you have no control over other than to take a pill that makes you feel like you don’t give a shit anyways.  This kind of understanding of connection helps you to see that there are times where you mind is open and able to receive information from your emotions and your emotions are big enough for your mind to hear.

The most confusing information I have ever had about how to deal with depression comes from a Zen teaching, but I swear it works.

Do nothing to achieve more.

The thinking behind this is the more I try to feel or be “different from what is actually inside of me, the more frustrated I will become and the I will repress emotion which will turn into depression and other physical problems.

By “doing nothing” I mean, don’t try to “unfeel” how you’re feeling.

Secondly, honour what you’re feeling.  If your body craps out on you, rest and don’t be a hero. That’s ego thinking. Honouring your body means you recognize the importance of the gift that you were given by God when you were allowed to come back.  It is a great act of gratitude.

So today, under the weight of the full moon my back is bent in two heavy with whatever it is I have to look at next.  I’ll try not to take maters into my own hands and hopefully will see myself with two feet on the ground very soon.

I think I’ll wait for the miracle.


The Tough Decisions…

I work with animals every day. This is what I do and I love it.  In our family there are 9 horses, 2 goats, several cats (never sure how many but I feed the neighbourhood apparently) and currently two dogs. One of the things that brings me such joy when working with animals is the balance I find in their energy.  There is a flow which is gentle and good in nature and I enjoy living in the middle of it.  However, every once in a  while an animals crosses my path which doesn;t fit into the energy of this place. Sometimes we work with horses from a local refuge.  These guys can come in undernourished, scared and undereducated.  Often they have been handled roughly or outright abusively and dealing with fear in these prey animals has its challenges.  To the best of my knowledge  and experience, I find it is the herd itself that tends to heal a broken horse.  As the human in the gang, I have to provide food, water, exercise and good solid (abusive free) boundaries. We teach animals how to treat us – just like we do with people.  But it is the herd that brings balance back to an energetically compromised animal.

Our house holds few animals; only two dogs and a cat which rarely makes an appearance since the arrival of our newest reformee, Archie the Pit bull terrier cross.  Jake, our black Lab mastiff cross is as anyone who has met you will tell you, the perfect dog. Calm, sentient, intelligent. he is my best friend and up until recently went with me everywhere.  We hoped that the energy would transfer to Archie like it does in the herd and that jake’s naturally zen nature would relax the dog, but sadly it only partially worked that way.  Originally, Archie’s story is what appealed to us.  He had a sympathetic face and was believed to be completely socialized because of his past experiences of living on the street and having to be around people so much.

But Archie also came with his own history untold by his foster home because they were not able to read the signs he was giving. Archie doesn’t handle changes in his environment very well. He is an extremely nervous and energetic dog who is hyper aggressive when he plays and thinks that cats are large chew toys. He is also very nervous when new people enter our house (which is all the time!) especially with teenagers and boys.  If he doesn;t know where someone fits into our pack right away, they are not allowed to enter the house and more and more often he is using his teeth to express this. These pieces of information were left out when we adopted Archie but honestly I don’t think any of the agency knew. For the past 6 months I have been trying to “train” Archie out of these behaviours but am now concluding that sadly, these are breed behaviours and I can;t change the basic nature of any animal or person.

His greatest penchant is for nipping at teenage boys. It’s not hard to see that Archie has a problem with males in general.Since his previous owner was a drug addicted young girl, I expect she did not have pleasant experiences with men herself. Archie is extremely attached to me and extremely affectionate.  He almost sings when he is happy. He is rarely “bad” around me.  He also never exhibits this nipping behaviour where I have been able to reprimand or at least predict the behaviour was coming. It just comes and he dashes for cover knowing he has done something wrong. I love all animals, but some of them are not meant for certain situations, and now having come to know the terrier breed type a bit more, I would say that they are not reliable farm life dogs.

I am trying now to find a home for Archie where he doesn’t have 13 different people just walking in every day. Where there aren’t random cars at odd hours and people riding their horses up to the front door. Where the is an absence of teenagers and a quieter existence. A big yard and a big jolly ball and he will be as happy as pie.

One more thing to hand over to the Universe…sigh.