Life is like a pile of dirt. Everyone’s life has ALL the potential to grow amazing things, but you have to know what to add to your soil to make it rich, you have to decide when to till and mix up the soil elements, when to let it rest and ignore it, how much water and sunlight each aspect that grow in it requires. In other words, to be a good gardener you have to know your dirt first and foremost. Every life is like that. Dirt is the foundation for a good garden just like the foundations of your life are like your dirt. You cannot grow anything in stale earth. It needs to be interacted with and balanced in accordance to the need of the things that will grow in it. Sometimes the dirt, or foundation of our life is not clean and has some residue of things that came with it and that won’t help your garden grow, like big heavy stones that may need to be separated and used for other purposes. A good gardener never throws anything away, but finds a purpose for everything in their garden. So the stones become barriers, boundaries to the new gardens you will create. Small natural walls of beautiful multicoloured stones, which while in your “dirt” may have appeared burdensome and dirty, but once a good gardener puts their mind to shining up everything in their garden, the stones become a central point of beauty with another kind of beauty contained within. Just like with your life, you need to find a way to make the “residue of the past” into something beautiful and useful. A part of the landscape of what you grow.
Before I begin complaining let me tell you that I have an amazing life. I have every dream come true I have ever thought of. A horse farm, nice kids, a good husband, friends, music, art, literature…I have it all. I also have a lot of burdens and responsibilities that comes with those dreams. I have 12 horses, 2 goats, 11 cats, 2 dogs and 5 kids still living on that horse farm and they require care and daily attention. This sounds lovely, but everything gets exhausting when you do it seven days a week. My kids are teenagers, so yes they are nice, but insane at times. Life with them can be an emotional roller coaster and you can never be guaranteed what th next encounter will hold. This lends my life a measure of emotional instability and at times real ego challenge. My husband is my partner and friend. We have seen some tough times raising seven kids. His job is stressful so we have fallen into the “stressed husband lonely depressed” wife roles. It sucks sometimes. I have amazing friends and they only lend good to my life. This is not a place I find stressful. I am a professional musician sitting on th fence of middle age trying to figure out if playing music has any value at all. Actually I’m trying to figure out if ANYTHING I do holds any value at all to tell you the truth. I write all the time, again questioning the value. Even blogging, I only do this because I feel like if I put it OUT into the world (doesn’t really matter if anyone reads it) I tend to work things out and they become clearer to me. I am tilling my soil with words.
Today is a good day to start raking my garden. I will take all the debris accumulated from the winter, all the things I ignored. The garbage that floated into the confines of its sacred walls and began their process of trying to integrate themselves with the soil below. I don’t want garbage in my garden, I want health and good things. A place where my friends and family and all the people who come across this farm and come and feed themselves. I want it to be DRIPPING with food,and abundant with good things, where little kids can yank a carrot from the ground, shake off the dirt and feel the crunch that will forever remind them of summer, between their teeth. Every day is a good day to work on our gardens.